Gift From God

I’ve been a dog owner for a little over a week now. Having a dog is a big responsibility.

Duh.

I just spent the last 30 minutes Furminating Zeb. For those of you not savvy about the jazzy grooming tools of today, The Furminator is a little handheld brush that’ll set you back about fifty bucks if you have a Zeb-sized dog, a bit less if you have a less-than-Zeb sized dog. It’s a rubber handled tool–the “furminating” apparatus is a couple of inches wide with closely spaced metal teeth that promises to greatly reduce shedding. Providing you are willing to lasso your dog to the ground at least once a week and get very serious (and sweaty) about the hairy business of Furmination, your dog will shed “less.”  I’m not sure why this thing cost so much, maybe it’s the sophisticated engineering of the thumb controlled fur releaser which pushes the hair out of the tiny teeth, saving you the exhausting and time consuming task of  simply pulling it out with your hands. It’s a stupid tool and I’m a sucker. I am covered in long white Zeb hair, as is my house, my car, and of course, as is Zeb.

Before the flying fur fiasco, we went for a walk in the humid 90+ degree morning. Zeb likes to mark. He lifts his right leg and squirts, he does the hokey-pokey and he turns himself around, and then he lifts his left leg and squirts. Yesterday morning I tried to get him to lift his leg on a Mitt Romney sign in a neighbor’s yard while I took a picture, but he wouldn’t obey. He may very well be a conservative. Bad dog!

Zeb is a lap dog. He is fifty pounds of fluffy love who wants nothing more than to climb inside your body and take up residence. He’s a cuddler and a spooner–this pooch needs to be very close. He follows me around the house like I’m his guru, as if at any moment I’m going to spray him with my shakti, thus revealing his true nature. He’s so expectant. I feel a bit of pressure.

I made the mistake of allowing him to sleep with me, and now my sheets sport a thin layer of Zeb.  He’s a restless sleeper, up and down all night. Since Zeb has come into my life, I haven’t enjoyed a single undisturbed night of rest. I tried putting him in his “den”  (a giant dog crate, which he abhors) overnight, but he just barks. This is the only time he barks, not when strangers come to the door, which is when I would like him to bark.

Zeb “marked” the curtains in our Arizona room his first day here,  a squirt to the right and then a squirt to the left. Zeb isn’t fixed yet because when he was rescued from the shelter he had heart worms, was near-death, and had to endure months of painful wormicidal injections and crate rest. He can’t go under any kind of anesthesia until November. Nature’s Miracle spot and odor remover is a miracle.

 The other night I came home to find my roommate Nikki eating avocado on toast for dinner. She had been happily and hungrily anticipating the bison burger she brought home from True Foods, but Zeb mistook her burger for his burger, and jumped onto the table and swiped it while she was in the bathroom, earning him what she called a “time out.”
All of this took place after she had fed him his organic dog food mixed with a scrambled free-range egg and drizzled with flax seed oil. He ate his dinner before she took him on a walk where he escaped from his too-loose green heart chakra collar ( a gift from Auntie Melissa)  and got into a scuffle with a mangy free-range canine! I know this situation would have had my adrenals gushing cortisol, I would have been a mess. But when I got home, Nikki calmly described how she had yelled at the dogs and for help, kicked at the other dog, grabbed Zeb and replaced his now tighter collar. Thankfully no blood was spilled, and the wild mongrel decided to leave them alone. After all the love and caring Nikki showed for Zeb, he expressed his gratitude by gobbling up her dinner when she wasn’t looking. What an animal!  Since I got Zeb, Nikki has been spending most nights at her boyfriend’s house. I don’t know if there is a connection.
Zebadiah, means “Gift from God.” The name came with him.

My friend Melissa thinks it’s interesting that Zeb has many of the physical qualities I look for in a man: lanky, long (tall), longish wavy hair with a soulful pretty face. I don’t know what to make of this allegation–but I can’t deny it.

So he sheds, steals food, needs lots of attention, barks when I don’t want him to,  doesn’t piss on command,  pisses on curtains, costs lots of dough, and creates lots of new responsibilities and stress. He is also the sweetest beast you’ll ever meet. He is my dog, Zeb. I love my dog Zeb. My gift from God.

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Categories: Uncategorized

3 thoughts on “Gift From God

  1. cute dog!
    I finally got the first WP Blog up under construction. Check out the pics. I need to add all the widgets and plugins and all that SEO crap. WP is complicated for all the advanced stuff. I have a text book.

    Ken

    1. Cool! I’m happy you’re still at it…I’ll check it out! I can’t figure out how to delete duplicate photos from posts…props to you for digging in, and for knowing what a SEO is..what is a SEO? I don’t think I care, do I?

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