I’m tired today. The world is moving so fast, as it does, and I’m not trying to keep up. I don’t care to move any faster. I spent the afternoon in bed, sunlight streaming through the blinds, penetrating and warm. I let myself read and fall in and out of dreams and deep black nothingness. I feel quiet inside, my internal voice must be tired too, it’s not trying to keep up either. I don’t have any plans for the future. I said I’d post every day this month and that includes today.
I just got a pedicure , I chose a pale pink, and I know that I will soon regret this choice, I always regret pale pink. Sometimes I allow myself to consciously make the same mistakes over. I must enjoy regret on some level. I asked the little man rubbing my legs to please stop rubbing my legs, and to just do my feet. He had an awful touch, it was creepy. I tipped 15 percent, I usually tip 20.
My internal voice is so quiet it makes me notice the voices of others …..more. I am currently listening to a child tell a story, she is sitting behind me, her voice is full of sighs and expressed passions, she is talking about cookies and spelling..she is happy..I can’t hear all of her words, but I hear her laughter…she is singing in between talking to her mother, a little lower goes the song. She just said, “they call me Zoe, cause it means life…” Wow! Now, I want to talk to her….I’m going to turn around and look at her, it will be a big turn, an obvious turn. I have to see Zoe. She is cute, wearing a red hoodie, her light brown hair is parted on the side, her bangs held by a black and white barrette. Her nose is thin and long, there she goes giggling. again. Her giggles rise up unexpectedly. They make me smile. She didn’t see me look, her head was down. I can barely hear the voice of her Mother. It’s soft. I love Zoe. Grown ups tend to bore the hell out of me….myself included. She just called her Mom “Cowgirl”. Maybe I should be a Valley Big Sister again.
I’m going to buy flowers today to put in the glass vase that sits on my kitchen table. There is always room in my budget for fresh flowers. I wish peonies were in season. I hate when you buy peonies and they don’t open. That makes me mad and sad, really gets my goat! Lilies…I’ll buy lillies, they never let you down.
It’s 410 pm. The day is still here, and I still haven’t any big plans. Just buy some groceries and some flowers. The night will come soon. Gone are the days when Saturday night held meaning, and I feel just fine about it. Tonite I will cozy up with Thich Nhat Hahn. I will sit with my quiet mind and listen deeply to absolutely nothing.