Someone Just Like Me

    I have scads of beautiful, succesful,  and self-aware warrior goddess friends. 

    They are single and so am I.

    It’s an epidemic.  Probably a  pandemic.

     I fear the ratio of  warrior goddess to warrior god is 5:1. 

     I am downsizing my fear on account of my fear….I’m shuddering.

                                                                                                                                              I fear it’s more like 100:1.

 I’m so over singlehood….. I spit fire , cuss, curse, beg, and eventually forgive god. I set up altars,  I feng shui my home; I join online dating sites ( and rarely meet anyone)…

I’m tempted to start practicing witchcraft again. 

I’ve practiced witchiness a few times with great success, I have  scary creative visualization powers….I’ve called back old lovers,  sometimes with fulfilling results…okay ONCE  my powers of visualization coupled with long distance emotional manipulation yielded a succsesful longterm relationship with a wickedly smart sexy man. I didn’t foresee  the closed head injury that would turn my wickedly sexy, successful, crazy in love with me fiance into a stranger…… other times  my efforts spent manipulating invisible molecules were like spending precious energy catching a really mean case of the shingles,   it hurts, and it  lasts, and lasts, and lasts.  Once, after focusing my awesome powers of manipulation, I brought a rock star to my home (  leaving him in the foyer for a minute so I could hide my love spell paraphernalia devoted to him.) But after a  couple of make out sessions and “dates”,  I found out the object of my 6 year obsession was married;  I knew all along that he wasn’t very nice.  I was drunk on his rock god energy, I listened to his music constantly, the lyrics so profound, so rich, so poetic…his music was my religion…mmmm..I still love him.  To this day he is my favorite artist. There is no one like him.  But…he is not my warrior. I’m  90% sure. Okay 85% sure. I have issues.

I’m not sure witchcraft is the answer. I don’t have the answer.  It’s not like I don’t have “options”, but like my gorgeous friends…I can’t settle.  I’m not willing to sacrifice my innards for a warm body and a financial breather.  It’s not even about being willing, it’s about being ABLE.  I have dropped some of my shit…maybe “must not eat fast food” was a bit much…I let that one slide for my last great love, he drank Coke and gobbled Taco Bell with gusto…I dunno…our romance was ill-fated, but our friendship is something I cherish…. like warm sunshine kissing my naked skin. I need it.

We goddess’ want passion. We want our equals. We want a man who can meet us the way that we meet each other.  

We want a man just like us. 

Tonite in the space of two hours I spoke with three of my friends, all separately …and the conversation turned to our favorite subject, the one that trumps the rest. Lack of relationship…..  J..beautiful, tall, exotic blonde,  scientist and yogini ” I just want someone who is doing the work like I am… someone like me”  M… gorgeous, sexy, sharp, yogini and compassionate culinary wizard….” I want someone like me….just willing to do the work…” C… funny, smart, beautiful, relentlessly loving supernurse…” It takes men longer to wake up….”

I think we may be in some sort of romantic crisis.  I  believe we women may have to form support groups….maybe not support groups…that’s not empowering enough….not active enough…. We need to take all the sexy cowardly motherfuckers we encounter and lock them up in cages.  We will force feed them love and sex in large amounts,  eventually rendering them helpless; they will be unable to live without heart shattering, mind dissolving love and sex.  They wont be able to run away, because we will have locked them up! 

Everyone is looking….but few are brave enough to go the distance with the warrior goddesses…..

Maybe expecting someone to be “just like me” is unrealistic… maybe it’s unrealistic to expect a man to look at himself, to dig deep into the center of his chest and pull out its contents….to offer it up to the lovegods…I want nothing if I can’t have this….I am willing to  ache and bleed for this love…I will stand in this fire, I will die in these flames….so that I may swim in this enchanted sea….. 

But you must be brave to swim in these waters.  And your voice must cause our ears to speak to our center….your touch must curl our toes…your kiss must still our minds…. oh….and please make us laugh and tell the truth no matter what.  Be kind.

We goddesses could try kissing eachother…..but we just don’t want to.

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