I love surprises. Especially when they come early in the morning after you’ve settled your sleep deficit with just enough, but not too many uninterrupted zzzzz’s. This morning I was “mandatory cancelled”, this equals too many nurses, and not enough sicko’s. I’ll take it, that’s less suffering for all of us.
I layed in bed for a good long time, marinating in well-restedness, and thoughts of a day full of absolutely nothing to do. I asked myself, ” hey Kate, whatdya wanna do today?” In response I fell back into a deep sleep, dreaming of oceans at high tide, and a pesky boyfriend I wished would be swept away with the next movement of saltwater.
2 hours later I am ready to rise, I analyze my dream, water=emotion, pesky boyfriend=pesky boyfriend. I sit down to meditate, and I notice my thoughts are pulled in a direction that makes me feel bad. Noticing……NO! I’m not going here today, I focus on my breathe, exhaling all the noise, and by the grace of god, the volume gets turned down way low. In and out. Coming back, I go through my list of gratitudes, ask for some favors, like, please take away all the crap that keeps me from you, and, please get me out of Phoenix into San Francisco, recognizing I’ve been asking for that last favor for years, I’ve just substituted San Francisco for somewhere else. I’m not begging, I’m just reminding the big G, I know I’m on the universal timetable of perfection, but I’m just checking in. I make my way to the kitchen, grind some beans, and press some french roast. I’ve recently given up Starbucks. A sick addiction that has suddenly fallen away ever since I found frugality. Hallelujah! I don’t even like Starbucks anymore. I’m not sure I like coffee anymore, but one addiction at a time. Wait, who said that? I take that back, I LOVE coffee. I guess I’m conflicted. Cursed double Gemini!
The question again, ” Kate, whatdya wanna do?” Answer: ” I wanna hike in nice weather, I wanna go up north!” I go online and check out Flagstaff, The Mogollon Rim, and Prescott weather. It’s raining everywhere except here, I even call The Hike Shack in Prescott just to be sure, and Julie the friendly hiker tells me that while it’s sunny now, she can see the dark clouds moving in fast. Damn it! I feel stuck, unless I wanna hike in the rain, (I consider this, deciding no.) I’m locked in the valley of hell, I mean, sun. Sedona? It’s not really calling to me, but I have a book of sedona hikes in my car, so I go outside to get it, and wait…….is that a cool breeze kissing my skin? I look up at the sky, it’s full of clouds, thick white ones, and I see some darkness to the west, hmmmm, maybe it’s the same storm system that’s moving through the north? I don’t trust my bodies assessment of the temperature, it feels….well, like 80ish. NO! It’s June! I check the computer, from the mind of god to the laptop screen…..yes, 8o degrees!!!! YAY!!!
I fill my pink and black mini Camelbak with cold R/O, grab half an organic Equadorian, my Merrells, wide-brimmed hat, ipod, put the top down, turn up CHILL on Sirius, and drive myself to Squaw Peak. I notice my mouth has curled up it’s corners and my head is full of space, space that holds a beautiful day that was just handed to me out of nowhere. I am so grateful, wow! I’m up and down in an hour, it has started to drizzle. I feel great, totally ALIVE, I get in my car and peek at myself in the mirror, HA! Better than botox……
It’s doing a bit more than drizzling by now, but I don’t care, I’m still driving with the top down, cool rain drops itself onto my sweaty, thirsty skin, and it feels good. I feel good. Today I was surprised. No work, a cool day in June. It feels a bit like Christmas, how Christmas must feel to a Christian girl from a good Christian family, not to a Jewish girl from a weirder than weird Jewish/Greek Orthodox family. I want to hold on to this feeling, this feeling of supreme fulfillment, contentment, peace. I want to peel it off of my skin, empty it out of my mind, put it in little eye droppers, and hand it out to all the sad people I see. I want to keep some for myself. I want to give some to you.
I love surprises, just when I think I know what to expect……Surprise!
Head Full Of Glitter 
You did just give some to me. Reading this was exactly the tall glass of cool water I needed just now… Rather than sit in this restless ache, I will go sit, and breathe, and exercise, and be grateful.
I love you. San Francisco is waiting for you, whenever you are ready.
Kate, when I read your chronicles I feel inspired!